More coffee, less dukkha

Last Post

2006-05-23T14:14:00.000+01:00

OK. A decision has been made.

This is going to be the last post I'll make to this blog. My interest in it has dropped off considerably since the first post, back in December 2003, and I need to call it a day. I much prefer to play on flickr these days, and all I was doing with this blog was either copying what I'd already posted there, or copying some bookmarks that I'd just saved in del.icio.us, just to keep this ticking along.

So here's where I'm hanging out now.

The photos I take: www.flickr.com/photos/terry
The websites I bookmark: del.icio.us/morecoffee
The blogs I read: www.bloglines.com/public/Terry

There. I've done it. I feel better already. I can't believe how guilty I was making myself feel by not keeping up with this to the level I used to.

So. Ta ta then.

GTD stuff mostly

2006-05-15T13:55:00.000+01:00

Rather than let this blog completely stall, and to make a change from simply copying stuff from flickr, here are a few bookmarks I've saved to del.icio.us recently. GTD stuff mostly:

Chris Murtland describes his GTD implementation, and looks at 'revolving workflow strategies'. He lists the strategies that he alternates between as: alternate projects, big chunks of time on certain projects, complete as many small items as possible, oldest first, newest first, squeaky wheel, goal driven.
An article about a tribe in Brazil that have a most odd language, "no history, no descriptive words and no subordinate clauses". "Living without numbers or time: The Pirahã people have no history, no descriptive words and no subordinate clauses. That makes their language one of the strangest in the world -- and also one of the most hotly debated by linguists."
A set of blog entries called Black Belts Series, or "How has GTD changed my life?" All tips greatly received. All inspiration desperately needed.
More "How I do the GTD thing", this time from brandon v3.0 All tips greatly received. All inspiration desperately needed.
Frank Meeuwsen lists 5 reasons why the Weekly Review is difficult. Top of the list, 'You have to stop working.' It goes back to this thing about Covey and sharpening your saw. You need to stop 'doing' your work and give yourself the space to 'think' about your work.
A comparison of web-based to do lists. I still like to play around with all these fancy-shmancy websites, even though I've long since realised that that my workflows are such that I can only really depend on Outlook tasks to manage my next actions.

Thoughts following a trip to Belfast

2006-04-17T21:41:00.000+01:00

I tend to overcompensate sometimes. Things come up at work, for instance the opportunity to go to Belfast for a 3 day university admin conference, and in an attempt not to look like the reticent, over-cautious non-team-player I feel I am most days I overcompensate and agree to go. I then regret agreeing to go, but feel unable to back out without losing face.

So, a 3 day 2 night stay in one of Queen's University's halls of residence. I don't like being away from home, I really don't like being away from my family, but felt that, if I was being objective about this, this could prove useful for my career development blah-de-blah, insofar as I'll learn more about the background issues involved, as well as picking up some useful tips and pointers. Of the seminars attended I only really found 2 worthwhile, one on successful process mapping, the other on the latest plans from the HE Statistics Agency. The rest I can't really remember, and I could probably have got just as much from the 2 above if I'd been sent a copy of the presentation and have the middle man cut out. Difficult to balance the 'pro' of hearing the lecture from the horses' mouths, with the 'con' of being Billy No Mates for 3 days. I've never been much into networking. And less so these days. It perhaps might come down to the fact that I'm not really all that interested in what I do. The only time I got enthusiastic about something was on the coach, trolling back to the airport. I was talking to a colleague about the post grad certificate the AUA do, and whether or not I should go for it, and I rememebered that I'd once started a proofreading home study course, but never finished it. I was struck by this blinding flash of an image from a parallel world where I've ditched FE and HE admin for good, and have become a full-time, freelance proofreader, reading all day, earning less money but feeling all the better because of it.

I live in the real world, sadly, where a sudden career change, mid-stride, isn't all that easy (mortgage, kids, car etc etc). The seed's been planted now though, and I may well try and find a way to finish off that proofreading course, to get another string to my bow, work on my CV. And if I was to be objective about my current career and took my professionalism seriously, I could do a lot worse than sign up for that post grad course. We'll see.

My cameraphone went to a conference in Belfast and all it brought back were these lousy pics

Having lunch with the fog of fedupness

2006-04-05T22:50:00.000+01:00

Here I am, Wednesday lunchtime in the Starbucks in Borders, with my Free Range Egg Mayo (V) with Cress & Black Pepper Take Away £1.80 Eat In £2.15, and my Tall Latte £1.85, listening to Morrisey's latest, Ringmaster of the Tormentors I think, through the speakers*, scribbling into an up until now virginal WHSmith A6 Notebook Plain 70 sheets £1.49, with my black, knackered, Pilot Hi-tecpoint V7 Grip rollerball, after having just taken a picture of the book 'Devil in the Details', by Jennifer Traig, an account of her OCD and Scrupulosity years, for my Flickr Book Wishlist set, thinking about the need to empty my head of my anxious thoughts about my anxieties, and how best to do that.

Something my counsellor said last week, about trying to be more aware, more mindful of my state-of-mind when I feel the fog of 'fedupness'** first descend, to be conscious of the start of it, that moment when I go from 'fine' to 'not so fine'. Awareness brings information brings choices brings the chance of different outcomes. I'm worried, though, that it's a little like being aware of the instant you fall asleep; that is – you can never be aware. Or, you don't fall asleep.

Instead, a way of looking at it that seems to fit best is the 'bars' equalizer mp3 visualisation thing, with my anxiety levels constantly jumping up and down, and occasionally hitting the red.

* On the way out of the bookshop they started playing something from Massive Attack's new Best Of album, and I loved the way I could continue listening to the copy I had from the original album on my phone as I walked back to the office.

** This is a kind of code word I use in my sessions. I don't want to use the word 'depression', as that has too much weight, turns my 'moods' into a 'condition', an 'illness'. I know that V's view is that I'm ill and she wants me to get better, but I see it less black and white. Or rather I, too, want to see it that black and white, I want to believe there's an illness that has a cure, a problem that has an answer, step one, do this, step two, do that, and everything's all ok, no more moods, but I'm not so optimistic. Everything seems grey. We're all moving points on a sliding scale, with 'happy' at one end and 'sad' at the other. Also, giving what I feel (or unfeel) a cute, light name like 'fedupness' removes the need for me to fully appreciate how big an issue this is, for me, for V and the kids, people that work for me, with me.

Me, in denial? Surely not!

A diesel-powered rainbow-trail snail

2006-04-03T22:47:00.000+01:00

A leaking fuel injector, they say, whatever that is. Nothing major, they say. Needs fixing, obviously, but no sweat. Let's just enjoy the rainbows. I feel like some kind of diesel-powered rainbow-trail snail.

Beancounter

2006-03-30T22:15:00.000+01:00

From an e-mail making the rounds at work.

---

"This is bizarre - after you find the guy - it's so obvious. Once you find him - it's embarrassing, and you think, Why didn't I see him immediately?

"Doctors have concluded that if you find the man in the coffee beans in 3 seconds, your right half of your brain is better developed than most people. If you find the man between 3 seconds and 1 minute, your right half of the brain is developed normally. If you find the man between 1 minute and 3 minutes, then the right half of your brain is functioning slowly and you need to eat more protein. If you have not found the man after 3 minutes, the advice is to look for more of this type of exercise to make that part of the brain stronger!!!

"And, yes, the man is really there!!!"

His name appears here ...

2006-03-26T21:19:00.000+01:00

... but not here. (Reasons here.)

Re-read this last week, to refresh my memory before I saw the film.

The film seems not to have been as well received as the book, (or rather, isn't expected to be held in as high regard as the book is now, nearly 20 years after it was published), but I thought both were fab. Different, but that's to be expected from every book-to-film journey surely. If you start the film expecting to see a moving version of the book, you'll be disappointed. A variation on a theme. Different emphases. Less about V's relationship with Justice and the Leader's affair with Fate, less grime and desparate, dispairing backstory, the vendetta is more personal, less ideological.

Good, but different. Different, but good.

England prevails.

Ivor's gone too

2006-03-07T21:50:00.000Z

First heard this guy on John Peel's radio one programme in the eighties; he was so unusual -- poetry on the radio was so unusual for starters, but this guy ... fruitcake!

---

Ivor Cutler

Unassuming master of offbeat humour whose eccentric take on the world entertained generations

Mark Espiner
Tuesday March 7, 2006

Ivor Cutler, the eccentric poet, singer, songwriter and storyteller, who has died aged 83, appealed to successive generations with his offbeat sense of humour and wonder at the world. In more than four decades of performing he attracted a band of admirers and followers that included such luminaries as philosopher Bertrand Russell, Beatles John and Paul, DJ John Peel and comedian Billy Connolly. Pop mavericks such as Oasis discoverer Alan McGee and Franz Ferdinand's Alex Kapranos were also fans. The scope of his appeal was reflected in his dedicated following on BBC Radios 1, 2, 3 and 4 - and many stations beyond.

Read more on the Guardian website.

"Surreal bicycle book rides to fame on back of cult TV show"

2006-02-26T22:03:00.000Z

What a laugh. My first thought, when I saw the headline, was one of disbelief: they've never film that book! But when I read more, if this book really is relevant to the plot of Lost, as is the suggestion, then the only connection I can think of -- apart from the obvious one of everyone on the island falling in love with bicycles -- is the ending the book shares with the ending of that Bruce Willis film...

---

Surreal bicycle book rides to fame on back of cult TV show

Owen Bowcott
Friday February 24, 2006

Once rejected for publication as too "fantastic", a surreal Irish novel featuring the interchanging of atoms between a man and his beloved bicycle has been racing off the shelves of American bookshops.

Flann O'Brien's dark comedy The Third Policeman was not published until after his death, but its appearance in the cult television series Lost has turned it into a top seller. The TV show chronicles the lives of a cast of photogenic survivors marooned after their aircraft crashes on a remote Pacific island. It involves a sprawling plot that delves into their former lives through flashbacks.

The book's cover was on screen for only a flash, but the exposure sent thousands of fans into bookshops eager to discover clues about the TV mystery. Their curiosity was heightened by an interview with the programme's scriptwriter, Craig Wright, who explained the book had been chosen "very specifically for a reason".

Read more on Guardian website

How I do the GTD thing, notebook and Outlook

2006-02-18T22:02:00.000Z

It seems one of the compulsory requirements of implementing GTD is to share with the group just how you've done it; what system, software, list styles, excuses for not sticking to the weekly review, etc. So here's my two cents.

When I first tried all this I think I used a Palm, then a filofax, Outlook, Outlook and iPaq, a moleskine, then nothing, then back to Outlook. And now, Outlook and a notebook. I use my sturdy hardback wirebound A4 Black n' Red notebook as a collection tool. I carry it with me to all my meetings, take it to the coffee shop at lunch, take it home and back again. All the notes I take at the meetings and panels get scribbled in here, as well as all my plans and schemes, anxieties and brain dumps (including this one) throughout the day. I take all these notes back and write up next actions and projects onto Outlook. Ctrl-Shift-K gets used a lot. Outlook handles all our e-mail and calendar info across the institution, and any actions from e-mail are dealt with by dragging them to the task icon, amending the task subject to make sure I verb the noun, 'alt-g'ing for the context category, and transferring the original e-mail from the inbox into a storage folder (everything goes into just one folder). I'd like to say my inbox is completely empty as a result, but I can't just yet.

The action list, showing all my next actions and projects, and the calendar are printed out, shoved in the back of my notebook, and off we go. I've got into the habit of going out for a coffee, and sitting at one of the tables there scriblng all over my notes with any new actions I can think of, re-wording duff actions ("Investigate such-and-such"? -- how exactly? what's the next physical thing to do?), crossing through what's done and high-lighting what I'll do next. All this, in turn gets typed back up into Outlook and fresh copies printed out. I find it much easier, calmer to think with a scribbly pen than sat at my desk, and so far so good.

Ce n'est pas une colline

2006-02-01T09:04:00.000Z

This is not a hill.

Following another meeting with my NLP (kind of) counsellor, about how I feel at work in the mornings compared to how I feel in the afternoons:

In the mornings, the day looms up over me like a hill. I look forward to the afternoon when I know I will be strolling down the other side of the hill towards the little village Hometime. I use this thought to cheer me up whilst I queue for another coffee to prepare me for the gruelling climb ahead. But every day, as I approach Hometime and glance back at the day I've just walked through, I realise there is no hill.

Following a recommendation

2005-12-01T14:46:00.000Z

This arrived today, following a tip. I've only flicked through it briefly, but this paragraph caught my eye, and I felt I must share it:

"For words, as for sentences, understanding comes in globs. Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a tatol mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit probelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not red ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe."

Sunday evening

2005-11-27T20:49:00.000Z

I've been told to be positive about tomorrow, and not to expect this coming Monday to be as bad as last Monday. Be positive. Be open. Ask for help if needed. Remember to delegate. Don't drink as much coffee. Smile. Talk. Keep breathing.

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Please excuse any typos; written and sent using my mobile.

Not so much side-effects as pre-effects

2005-11-24T08:57:00.000Z

Two weeks! My GP told me yesterday it can take up to two weeks for the benefits of St John's Wort to come through, but the arsey bit is the side-effects can start immediately.
Interestingly, one of the initial side-effects is increased agitation, depression and anxiety; fab news, and how appropriate for an anti-depressant. The doctor told me this wears off pretty quickly (at least I assume she did, I can't remember now), but this goes a long way to explaining why I had to keep running off to the Gents for a good weep in the cubicles on Monday. I started taking them on Saturday, and felt fine over the weekend, but stopped after Monday's experience. The doc recommended I start again with them, which I have, so we'll see how things in today.

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Please excuse any typos; written and sent using my mobile.

Where should I be?

2005-11-15T13:33:00.000Z

What should I be doing between about 9 and about 5? What job should I have? Is it even appropriate to talk of 'should' anyway? Does it matter? Are we, should we be, defined by what we do for a living? By how we 'contribute to society'? I'm sure society can look after itself in this regard, but me? Am I looking for a role, an identity (mental peace and security?), through the job I do? How will I know when I have it? Do I have it now? Am I feeling a bit glum and weepy (at home our code for this is 'wobbly') because of the broken sleep, or simply because this job is still new, difficult and confusing? Or is this the same as last time, when I felt drowned and desperately isolated by my job? It's nowhere near as bad as that, but is this the thin end of the slippery slope wedge? I need to snap out of this before it gets much worse, before more people notice.

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Please excuse any typos; written and sent using my mobile.

Feasability

2005-11-14T20:21:00.000Z

How feasable is it to write a blog entry using your mobile phone? Words hardly come tripping onto the screen in any kind of stream-of-consciousness way, when you're squinting at these stupid little keys, even with predictive text. I find myself muttering, 'Who stole my Q? It's not here any more.' And when you finally get to the end of your sentence you've forgotten how it started. And scrolling's a pain in the arse. Pleased that it knows how to spell arse though. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, feasability of blogging. I can't be arsed now. Ha, it didn't know how to spell _that_. Does now.

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Please excuse any typos; written and sent using my mobile.

All eyes on the Marquis

2005-11-09T20:58:00.001Z

How to deter 'unsociable behaviour'

2005-11-09T20:58:00.000Z

How to deter 'unsociable behaviour'
Originally uploaded by terrym.

As spotted in one of our local Morrisons. Little Thomas was desparate for a wiz, we opened the door with some trepidation, an had to fumble our way with a feckless dark blue strip light being less than useless.

I suppose, yes, one way of stopping 'unsociable behaviour' (take your pick) would be to turn all the chuffing lights out.

Looking sheepish

2005-11-09T20:57:00.000Z

DSC00037
Originally uploaded by terrym.

This is immediately following a little mix-up in a shoe shop, which resulted in him getting all worked up and confused, poor kid.

Fw: Just a test

2005-10-31T19:37:00.000Z

Please ignore, if this gets through. I'm just testing the new-mobile-phone-to-blog thing.

Next Big Thing?

2005-10-26T22:24:00.000+01:00

"The Total Workday Control system will get you ahead of the blur of the workday. Imagine if you could have 25% of your workweek back; that's like gaining an entire day each week!"

I feel like a diet junkie: this time all the promises will come true, this time I really will lose weight, wash whiter, make more, waste less. Is this the Next Big Thing, or just another fad, another Atkins waiting to be discredited?

The pendulum swings back

2005-10-22T23:35:00.000+01:00

Someone's been dissin my book. I felt I had to respond.

I really liked this book. Well, I think I did, I can't really remember, it was a long time ago. But I remember at the time, whilst I was reading it, that I couldn't remember if I really liked it or not, or if I just thought I did.

I bought it in my first year as an art student ('92?). We had just sat through some Critical Studies lectures on Derrida and Foucault and I saw this book in WHSmiths and thought, "Hey, Foucault! I've just heard about him."

Hmm. I was easily confused back then, too.

I think I fell in love with the idea of the book, rather than with the story itself. It became my mascot: I took my time reading it, not finishing it till the third year, by which time, of course, I'd completely forgotten what the hell it was about. But there was something about it that filled me with enthusiasm for creativity and exploration and text and rules and plans and stories and art and language and order and lies and lists. And on and on. I would read it, feel challenged to create something as complex and intriguing, and would feel terribly guilty if I then just sat there, reading, when I should be off doing something wonderful and creative myself. It was like looking at Picasso: “You’re right,” it would say, “this does look easy. So you have a go.”

It got to the point where I didn’t want to finish the book; I always wanted it to be there somewhere, in the background. As I said, I finished it when I graduated (after having raced through everything else he’s written, and through him all of Borges and Calvino) and I remember being confused by the ending, mainly because I no longer had a clue what he was actually on about, but that didn’t really matter. A most excellent friend of mine told me she’d read the book in a week or so, and could either take it or leave it. And now I read how someone else has got on with it, and is probably more on the 'leave it' side than the 'take it'. I’ve no doubt it is all the things you say it is, but I liked it all the same. Maybe I just didn’t read it carefully enough; anything I didn’t understand, or felt I could get no use from, I would just ignore and move on. I should really go back to it, ten years later, and have another go.

Almost parallel

2005-10-22T22:13:00.000+01:00

It's not as easy as it looks; getting the rev counter thing, the temperature gauge, the petrol gauge and the speedometer to all line up. Nearly there.

(Different job, same boring commute.)

Write then

2005-10-10T21:43:00.000+01:00

I've not written anything for ages. This makes me feel bad, guilty. <cliche, but true nonetheless>Having been brought up a Catholic, most things make me feel guilty.</cliche> Having started this weblog I feel obliged to continue, to maintain this record. It's almost as if the frequency of entries tells me more about how I'm doing than their content even. Too many, and I'm bored a work: too much time on my hands; should be getting on with more important things; too much procrastination, not enough action. Too few, and I'm feeling apathetic: can't be arsed, not interested, fed up; too much procrastination, not enough action. I've never been prolific, my happy medium would be one or two posts a week. I'd much rather read others' blogs than write my own. The two websites I check first thing in the morning, and then pop back in on throughout the day are Gmail and Bloglines. Bloglines is great – all the blogs I read are in there (those with rss feeds anyway; those without don't get read), all their new entries lined up and ready to go. There's some stuff I read more than others. I'm currently back into all things GTD, and 43Folders et al are required reading at the moment. Bloglines can also tell me the moment a friend might post some pics to flickr, or leave a comment against something of mine there. Dilbert's there, as well as explodingdog and Kuro5hin and other big hitters like plasticbag and kottke, as well as lots and lots of other blogs whose volume of output often defeats me. These last few weeks I'm left feeling further and further behind in my reading, let alone my writing. I enjoyed a wonderful documentary on Samuel Pepys the other day, with Tony Benn chipping in on his urge to diarize and document, constantly. Must blog about that, I thought, but never did. Other things I've wanted to mention, but haven't:

the Vintage New Classics list of books that learned people judge to be, or expect to be, classics, and how pleased with myself I felt upon realising I'd read quite a few of them;
how my latest attempt at GTD, using Outlook, is going much better than before, thanks to a tighter control over Next Actions and the documenting of projects using tasks and not contacts, as I've tried before;
googling a baby cries at * [wildcard] decibels and reading such things as "A baby crying is measured at 110 decibels. A pneumatic drill at five metres is 100 decibels" and "that your child's cry sounds at least 10 decibels louder to you than to any other human" and "The advert used a pneumatic drill to demonstrate how stressful it can be for parents when their baby cries persistently."

Things are quiet here at the moment. Not sure when I'll get round to typing these scribbles up, but it's Sunday evening now, about half nine, and V and I are downstairs enjoying the silence; me writing on one sofa, she crashed out fast asleep on the other. Rosie went down about 7.30pm and only took 20 minutes or so to get to sleep. It's been double that often, only for her to wake again at 9, not settling till she's fed at 10. She then may or may not settle after that feed; sometimes she'll sleep after that from 11 till 4, sometimes she won't go back to sleep till 12 but will then sleep through till 5. Who knows. All that we know is she's loud. And determined. But things will get better. She's 6 weeks old already and (we're telling ourselves that) things are getting easier day by day. No, I'm being too pessimistic. Things are getting easier, and they are so much easier second time around. We both, especially I, get our fair share of baby blues. It's just that when she gets going she is. So. Loud.

It's nearly 10 now, and I might wake V up in a minute. We'll then go and wake Rosie (Thomas, of course, sleeps through everything. This is good news), give her a feed and cross our fingers that she'll go back down relatively easily. I'm not a fan of being up in the middle of the night trying to get her to calm down and go back to sleep whilst fighting down the urge to shout "shutupshutUP SHUT UP!" but the one thing I'm really not keen on is being awake as the radio alarm goes off. It's not happened often, and happens to V more than me, but to be woken up at 4 or 5 after a fitful night's sleep, and to be still awake when the alarm goes off at 6.01 (alarms must always end with a 1 here, can't remember why now, but they just always have) is really crap and doesn't fill you with many positive thoughts for the start of the day. As I say, it's not happened often, and fingers crossed it'll happen less and less as things proceed. I keep forgetting that Rosie's only 6 weeks old. It feels like she's been around for years, and I think I fall into the trap of expecting too much from her too soon. Her big brother got the hang of sleeping very early on, and I shouldn't assume it'll happen that way again. She's still learning day and night, and we're still (re-)learning what it means to have a baby in the house.

And the new job's going ok too

2005-09-09T12:21:00.000+01:00

My new office!

It's the end, almost, of my first week at my new job, and so far so good. I've very nearly left the 'absolutely confused about everything' category and will soon be in the 'very confused about most things', so that's progress. I felt that my confidence took a bit of a knock at that place that shall forever remain nameless, and I'm still finding my feet and trying to clarify in my head my role here. But it's great to be here, as they say. Most definitely the right move.

The thing I take from my time with my previous employer is that it got me this job at York -- I probably wouldn't have gone for it, or been offered it, if I was still scratching about at that job in Leeds. And it helped to clarify my priorities, and what's important to me. It was clear from about March onwards that my priorities weren't the same as theirs; it just took some time to find the right job.

Tackling a new job, with a whole new set of people, plans, procedures, processes and pizzas (not really, just getting carried away with the alliteration. Having said that, someone from admissions leaves today after x number of years here and we all went out Wednesday lunchtime to an Italian for a very pleasant pasta 'n' red wine deal. Anyway!) whilst trying not to look completely useless and not exactly getting that much sleep isn't a walk in the park, but give me this any day.

Interestingly, one of the people in my team here also applied for this job, which makes for some fun office politics. Exactly the same thing happened to me a while ago, and I left shortly afterwards. So we'll see.